It’s official. I have made it through the first month. It’s actually 1 month and 3 days as I write this. I’m excited to write this post because I’m experiencing polarizing emotions and want to share how it feels.
On the one hand:
- Life without alcohol is just better. I get better sleep, my skin looks lovely, I’ve lost 7 pounds, I’m spending less money.
- I find that I’m able to have a lot of fun without it.
- I’m really productive when I sit down to work.
- I like waking up in the morning feeling clear and guilt-free.
- I’ve been experiencing glimpses of real self-love. The kind that makes you not care at all what other people think of you. It’s awesome (and very new).
- I’m finally getting in shape after neglecting my physical health for years.
On the other hand:
- I keep forgetting that I have made a HUGE lifestyle change. I expect myself to just be fine with my decision all the time. This is not the case. Last night, my husband and I went to a Jazz show and all I wanted was a glass of wine. My brain worked all the angles of justification: You’re not really an alcoholic, you can have just one. No one will really know if you have one. One won’t hurt at all. It will pair so well with your dinner. Yesh. Willpower is HARD. To be fair, I made an ordering mistake and went for Lemongrass tea which was not at all satisfying or fun.
- I’m scared to start and continue this blog because this means it’s all real. This means that I’m not just making this commitment to myself but also to an entire online community. Knowing this has helped me and really scared me. I still don’t feel confident enough with my dry life to charge forward in 100% agreement with myself.
- I still haven’t told many people that I’m going a full year. I’ve been skirting around the truth saying things like I’m just taking a break for a while, I’m on a cleanse, I’m driving. I hope to eventually muster the courage to be open and honest with people in person, not just online.
- I’m still super bummed out about the lack of positive representation around living an alcohol-free life. To other people, not drinking is unheard of and immediately means that you have a ‘problem’. It’s like you have a big sign on your head that reads ‘This One Isn’t Allowed to Drink Anymore’ or ‘Beware of the Scary Non-Drinker’. I’ve encountered a few people who literally didn’t know how to talk to me after I asked for a soda water with lime. Why??? It’s frustrating that making a positive life choice is so stigmatized. I’m going to throw everything I have at shining a positive light on being a modern, fun, healthy teetotaler.
- I’m so tired of being pressured to drink. Really. Fucking. Tired.
Yes, so that’s where I’m at right now. There are a lot of big adventures coming up this month (Puerto Rico, Portland (wedding), New York (fashion week), and I promise to take you all along for the adventure. Here’s to the next 30 days!